I came to Maine with the intent of figuring out what is that I want. I figured the serenity of the woods might give me peace of mind. Since being even farther away, i realized how much I want you. I mean being a stones throw away and never seeing you is awful but being a few states away with no option to see you is really getting to me. I just want you, your mind, your soul, every curve, I fucking want it.
I wish you were here with me right now, every day actually. It’s become a more relevant issue in my life and I’m going to change that. I’m going to love you inside and out, forever.

this is written with the sole intent to prove to myself that i’m not the infection growing in the maggot that’s festering upon the scum of society.
in my almost 21 years of life, i can’t give myself much credit. honestly, i’ve done very little for myself, for others, for a cause, i’ve done little to nothing at all. though, i’ve been fixated on the concept of really affecting someones life. of course, everyone has the urge to do something bigger than them, something with a great purpose. perhaps, some of us never realize how much we affect the people around us. i mean, i could have very well changed somones life completely, but my issue, is that i don’t know if i did. it’s a bit selfish, honestly. helping someone else for the benefit of knowing i did good, as opposed to helping someone just because they need it. Alas, i’ve earned some recognition for the good i’ve done. infact, it isn’t just the recognition but the change, the actual affect on said person.

I got a thank you letter today written by a lost soul. Someone who genuinely has no concept of real time, no idea what’s even going on, someone who’s more or less shunned. and if you follow, i’ve written prior pieces about my dear friend D.
I’m proud to see how much she has grown in the past 6 months. it’s incredible to think that i had a part in that, that i helped someone and they needed it.
today, i realized that i don’t want the thank you letters, or flowers, or any recognition, i just want to see people do well. i want to see everyone feel good, loved, or even just okay. I think it’s pretty fucking crazy how little compassion everyone seems to have nowadays. im thrilled to give a fuck. really, i am.

there will never be enough time, energy, or effort i could obtain to fully express my physical urge to always be in your presence. you’re keeping my head above water right now and i’ve never been so happy to breathe. maybe not today, nor next week, but in due time i will prove my intent is pure. i want nothing more than to see you smile and make you feel safe. easy as that, dear.

Its one of those stay up for hours talking about life, drinking tea, constantly cuddling, push against the wall and kiss hard, tell my deepest darkest secrets too, wake up next to you in the morning, make you smile, make you feel beautiful, make you want to live, absolutely perfect, happy, comfortable, forever type of thing I can see having with you. Let’s run away, just us.

I knew he was just a waste of time and quite frankly can not believe I let my guard down with him. This is the exact reason I like people for who they are not how they look. The more appealing they are the less depth they seem to contain. I’m incredibly disappointed in every aspect of that entire situation. I am so stupid.